13 weeks and a heartbeat!

What a week this has been! It sure seems like the nausea is fading, although I still get mild waves of it- but nothing debilitating like the last 7 weeks. Instead, I've discovered pregnancy headaches, lower back pain, and sleep deprivation. Thank goodness I can at least take Tylenol, and spending some time flat on my back on the floor seems to help a little (and my midwife recommended a great pregnancy chiropractor...going to try him out soon!). As far as sleep goes, I'm hoping getting back to the gym this week will help me be more tired, well I'm pretty tired every night...you could even say stupid tired most nights...but it doesn't seem to be enough to get me through the whole night. Somewhere between 2 and 3am I end up wide awake for about an hour or more. And everyone says...it's only going to get worse?!

Tuesday we had an appointment with out midwife and she had trouble finding Baby B's heartbeat with the Doppler, which is perfectly normal this early in pregnancy when Baby is so small and has so much room to move around in. BUT it still caused us some worry. I went back to the midwife on Friday, just to put our minds at ease and she found Baby B's heartbeat right away...going strong and even showing off by kicking a lot (kind of sounds like when you tap a live microphone).

Threat of miscarriage has always been a big concern for us considering my maternal history (both my mother and grandmother suffered multiple miscarriages) and not hearing the heartbeat Tuesday night made me really think...and do a whole lot of praying! First I was upset that I had made it so far but then also grateful that I was still in the first trimester and hadn't felt Baby B move yet. Speaking only for myself, I know it would be easier (not easy) to lose a baby early on rather than after "quickening". I know more than one person who has lost a child in the third trimester, after delivery or lost a young child and it may be selfish but I pray that I'm spared that particular pain. Second, I realized I do really want this Baby. I'm the type of person who keeps others at a safe distance (often a couple arm lengths away) until either I know they are safe or I love them enough to let them hurt me. And Baby B, who so far has only made me miserable, is slowly working his or her way closer to my heart. I really am looking forward to whatever other terribly painful or annoying side effects come my way- especially the kicking and crowding and later the pooping and crying. So...this is me, opening up my heart and trusting God...that no matter when he takes my child home, be it before my death or after, that He is a God of promise.

Jeremiah 29:10-14 'This is what the LORD says: "When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."