Big Brother

Griffin,

You are just a few weeks away from becoming a big brother and there are a few things I want you to know.

I want you to know that you were and are enough for me. This other baby is not a replacement for you. Your father and I did not chose to have second child because you weren't good enough. Quite the opposite in fact. Our love for you is what made us want to do 'this' again. When we got married we weren't sure if we would ever have kids and now that we have you, I can't imagine life without you. The day you were born will always be one of the best days of my life and hands down the most life changing. I had no idea I could love so much, so deep, until I held you in my arms. YOU made me a mommy. You will always be my first born, my baby, my son. And I thank God for you every day.

I mean that. Even now, when you are going through some really hard and frustrating age-appropriate developments (some people call it the terrible twos), I am so thankful that God gave you to me. You are such a joy. You are passionate; you know exactly what you want and only get frustrated when you don't know how to ask for it, it's not working the way you want it to (with your toys, etc) or the answer is 'no'. You are smart. Super smart. You figure out how things work on your own and constantly amaze me with your memory, vocabulary, and skills. You are strong, brave, and courageous. You like to run, climb, and jump. You do not like sitting still. Despite all the "boy" that you are, you are still a gentle and soft soul. You love snuggles. You don't like it when I lose my temper and yell. You are quick to apologize and kiss my owies. You give hugs and kisses generously.

I want you to know I worry about you and how you will respond in the coming weeks. I worry that I won't be able to give you the attention you need. I worry that you will feel replaced. And I'm praying already for God to meet both of our needs, to show us new ways to grow and adapt so that Baby will only make our family closer. I'm praying that God will show us how to raise you and your sibling to be friends and not enemies.

I know I'm not a perfect mommy. I know I sometimes yell when I'm frustrated. And I get busy with tasks and don't always focus on you the way you need. But those are my short-comings. They are no reflection on you. Thank you for being so free with your love and forgiveness. You are the instrument God has used to show me a whole new dimension to His love for me. Because of you the gospel story, John 3:16, has become unfathomable to me. I simply can not fathom the love that God has for us, that God he would be willing to sacrifice his own son for our salvation. I pray my parenting points you in God's direction, that someday you will come to know Him like I do.

You are wanted and desired, cherished and prayed for. You are strong and courageous. I pray that you will be a kind and compassionate leader to those that follow you. You are bold. You bring joy to me and everyone you see every day. God made you just the way you are- special and unique. Keep being silly and brave! I love you Pumpkin Pie, Pepe, Griffin Miles. My firstborn. My son.

~Mommy